The I thought

I, me, myself - these are words we can all relate to. We know them so well! 

For most of us, nearly our whole day consists out of thousands of actions of mind, body, and speech revolving around this 'I'. Everything we think, do, say, is done in relation to this 'me'.

We refer to this 'I' or 'me' so often, but what do we actually mean by this? We can quickly find out.

Before reading the next line, let's close our eyes for a few seconds and think "Who am I?" Think about this, and don't read the next line until an answer comes up. It doesn't have to be a great philosophical answer. Just whatever comes up first. So, who am I..?

And...?

See, for most of us, we have this idea that we are this person. A name, with the identity of a male or female, a race, a nationality, and a religion. Further, we have this idea that we are also made up of beliefs that are completely solid and absolutely true. We tend to be not very flexible in this sense, yet these beliefs are quite unstable and can be easily intimidated. 

This idea we have of ourselves is like an onion. Layers and layers of identities and beliefs. Yep, we think that we are onions.

Looking back

First of all, we have this belief that there is a separate I existing completely from its own side. Then, we believe this I is actually doing a lot of things. We tend to think that "I do this" and "I do that" but is this actually true? Does this 'I' do anything at all? Not really.

Let's use an example to illustrate this understanding. We may be surprised!

Imagine listening to music or going for a walk. In that moment, the music is being listened to, or the walking is happening, there is the experience of listening or walking. Does this make sense?

Afterward, a thought comes up of "I was listening" or "I was walking". However, this "I" was not present during the experiencing, was it? It just comes later, as a thought. 

See?

We can use another example. 

Imagine sitting at home. A thought comes up "What is for dinner tonight?" followed by silence. Another thought arises "Maybe pizza or a salad" followed by another silence. Another thought arises "I'll have the pizza" followed by silence. 

Now, let's consider the following.

Can we identify any separate 'I'  between the thoughts, doing the thinking, or was there only silence? Can we identify any 'I' between the thoughts, any thinker? Does a separate thinker exist?

Do we really decide anything at all, or is the thought itself the decision? Meaning that thought and decision are the same thing. 

And lastly... who decided to have the pizza? When we observe the thoughts closely, we realize that "I'll have the pizza" came up as a thought, just as the previous ones. 

This means that the 'I' is merely a thought, an afterthought!

See, nowhere between the thoughts, the decisions, was there an actual separate thinker, neither was there someone to choose from a variety of thoughts. They simply manifest, spontaneously. 

Peeling an onion

This is not something we have to believe, we can simply observe the thoughts and see how they arise. We'll realize that there are thoughts, or the experience of thoughts, followed by silence. 

We know that we are not the thoughts, but we are still witnessing them. We know that we are present while they are happening and while they are absent. We do not disappear when the thinking stops, do we?

So, where are we? Where is the 'I'?

We realize that real I is the Silent Witness. We are the observer of the thoughts, as well as the observer of the peaceful silence between the thoughts. The observing is of course not limited to thoughts but also witnessing emotions.

By investigating this silence, or rather, by resting in this silence, the real I becomes clear. Not the thought of I, but the True One, not fabricated by thought, by the mind.

By observing closely, we realize how this 'I' we have been cherishing all along, was merely another thought. As we investigate this thought, we realize that we can peel away all the layers of this I-thought, just like peeling away the layers of an onion.

As these layers of identities and beliefs dissolve back into emptiness, we realize that actually, we were not the onion all along, but we are the boundless, open space, awareness, in which the onion appears.

Just like the blue sky, awareness is always present in the background. We tend to be so focused on the objects in the foreground, that we fail to notice the ever-present awareness behind it all.

Related articles on this blog: 

Endless seeking - 08 December, 2020
Being a somebody, a someone - 04 October, 2020
The ego, the illusion - 30 August, 2020